What to Text a Girl After Hooking Up With Her

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For over a decade, David Tian, Ph.D. — a uniquely qualified therapist, life coach, and one-time university professor — has coached tens of thousands of people from over 87 countries to achieve happiness and success in their relationships, dating, psychology, and lifestyle.

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What To Text A Adult female Subsequently Y'all've Become Intimate

• David Tian Ph.D. explains that the more educated, sophisticated the woman is, the more you lot can talk to her similar a realist.

• David Tian Ph.D. tells men to not lie and misrepresent themselves, they should exist articulate on what they're nigh.

• In this Human being Upward episode, David Tian Ph.D. says that the more transparent you are, the more all of these worries go away.

In this episode, I answer the question, what do you text a woman you've just slept with?

[Intro music]

Masculinity for the Intelligent Man. I am David Tian, Ph.D., and this is: Man Up!

[Fade music]

All right, welcome to episode 14. We've got another question from Matthew. Information technology's a quickie, "What does a real man text to a woman he'south simply slept with the side by side morning? What does he text her for the next morning?

Scenario A, he wants to see her over again.

Scenario B, probably doesn't want to run into her again but he doesn't want to exist a douche purse and only not text her over again. Cheers." Okay, cool. That'southward a pretty straight forward question, "What should y'all text a woman you just slept with if you lot like her and if you don't similar her."

If yous like her, if y'all want to see her again – actually if you've just slept with each other and it's the next morning time one of the all-time things you can do is really simply to solidify that connection. One of the worst feelings a girl gets – if you lot gave her a not bad time in bed and you connected and all that stuff, if y'all don't want her to feel bad about what just happened – just don't treat her like a prostitute.

If she has to right after sex, roll out of bed, put her dress on and practise the walk of shame out the door and yous're only like, "Oh hey, bye," – y'all're going to make her experience cheap. But if you're circumspect and you don't just kick her out or anything. Or if you're at her place, you don't only roll off and put your apparel on and walk out. Every bit long as yous don't do that like, wham-bam-give thanks-you-ma'am kind of approach then y'all should be fine. Because this is the modern world, these are mod times and adults understand these dynamics. It's just the beginning encounter; you don't look marriage however out of that for most modern people.

An easy thing to exercise if you want more, if you desire to suss out whether she would be interested in having more than of a relationship with y'all then after you have sex you tin become do something else. Afterwards you lot have sex activity, in the morning – or after you take sexual practice maybe in the morn or right after sex, if it's early forenoon, you can become and get some food. Similar some supper, Singaporeans phone call it, or an early on breakfast together and then transport her off, ship her habitation, make sure she gets home.

Those are skilful things to practise if you want to make her feel meliorate about the whole affair similar good about it, I mean, rather than just feeling like it was a cheap wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am thing. You can ship her off or you can have breakfast together and that's actually easy. Over breakfast you can just talk and get to know her.

And if she comes out with you for breakfast after the human activity, she's down. She's down for more. She wants to see you lot again and, you know, this is a good thing. And so it solidifies the connexion – having breakfast the next forenoon together will help solidify that. Then then y'all don't accept to practice this whole: what do I text her? – Right?

Now, if she has to go to work or if you don't have time to get breakfast together or you're both rushing off to piece of work and you lot just become a coffee together – so you don't have time for the breakfast – you can just send her a nice text making certain she got to her destination, making sure she's safe, something chivalrous like that.

Or something just fun, just similar coincidental – just ping her. In other words, y'all merely make contact to show her that you're all the same interested in her besides merely for this physical run into.

It wasn't just a way of tricking her into bed and at present you don't demand her anymore. That's the easier scenario to answer. Basically, you lot can just ping her like a friend – in other words, keep it casual. So you don't want to go like, "Okay, when do you want to become married?" You lot don't want to become heavy even so but but found some contact that'due south fun or even better, become for breakfast together or for a belatedly night matter – food.

Scenario B, if you don't want to come across her again. All right, and so the question is at what point did you determine that yous don't want to run across her again? And so if it was before sex that yous decided that and y'all get the sense that she wants a relationship or wants to see yous once again then what you've washed here is y'all've just done something where y'all knew that you were taking on a responsibility, in a sense, and you went through with it anyway.

Then if y'all knew the effect emotionally that you would have on her and yous went through with it anyway, y'all kind of were the douche bag. You've already done douche bag things, y'all simply kind of fucked it up and now yous're in damage control.

So y'all said: if yous probably don't want to see her again. At present if you decided you don't desire to run into her again considering y'all didn't have sexual chemistry – in other words, you didn't know whether you lot would have sexual chemical science until yous got to the bedroom and were doing the act and so you lot decided there just isn't this kind of chemistry.

Only if yous got to that signal, if you got to the indicate where you're having sex and so presumably yous liked her – like equally a friend. Now y'all but have to exist actually, really obvious with her that it'south simply something casual.

So at this signal you really accept to exist careful well-nigh the frequency of contact so y'all don't transport the incorrect message. You lot accept to be careful most the things you actually say so you don't say anything that's too commitment driven or commitment implications.

Don't do whatsoever time to come projection that'southward serious because those are all going to have her thinking nigh the 2 of you down the line, in the time to come. That'south merely misleading. Stay in the now, stay in the moment.

Innovate her to your friends – not in the sense of this is the daughter I'g seeing only in the sense of y'all tin can invite her to friends' outings and then she can hook up with your friends. And so basically, she has other options. She tin can meet that you're flirting with other girls; she can flirt with other guys. You lot're not like you're hitting on girls while you're holding her mitt or anything but you just show her that you accept an abundant social life and everything's just cool. Hopefully, hope to God, that you made that all clear before you jumped into bed with her.

If you're like Romeo with her, like, "Oh, I love yous! I take this connection with you. Permit's talk about where we're going to go for our honeymoon." – All this earlier you had sex so "Ugh, the sexual practice isn't and then dandy and then I don't want to see her again. Uh, now what do I do?" Yous've already fucked it up considering you have non been transparent.

If on the other manus, you're transparent from the first, you talked nigh the girl you saw terminal calendar week maybe or yous talked most your buddy who'south seeing these ii dissimilar girls and whatever, whatsoever. Girls talk about this all the time.

The more woman power you more often than not are every bit an educated – unless you're at the far extremes with feminism. Merely the more female empowerment you are, the more you're like a man. You approach dating like the traditional male way of being the hunter in a way of being the pursuer and beingness the chaser – of getting, of looking to get things from the human being. That'southward generally the more than educated arroyo.

Matthew was saying earlier was – in the e-mail – was that, "These are educated women." Well that actually ways that they're going to empathise u.s. even meliorate. It's the uneducated village daughter that yous'll have to watch out for because she'll come at you with all this naïve – well naïve for the mod globe.

Merely here's really idealistic notions, so if she's really uneducated, traditional, bourgeois – not having been exposed to a lot of things in the world and so that's a girl you actually have to be careful with in terms of human relationship expectations.

Simply the more career woman she is, the more modernistic she is, the more educated, sophisticated she is, the more you lot can talk to her similar a realist. The more yous can approach her with the kind of masculine accept on things.

The more she'll sympathise that because she'southward intelligent. You don't accept to tippy-toe around her, yous can just tell her the way it is and it's upwardly to her to choose whether she wants to get through with it or not. Ever give them that selection.

And you have to make it clear what they're choosing. Do not misrepresent yourself, do not prevarication, do not be deceiving. Exist clear on what y'all're about; don't shy away from talking about your life or your lifestyle.

If you lot lined upwards two dates in a row like off Tinder – on Tinder this is so common, right? – Girls will line up Tinder dates two hours apart. Tinder dates are like the new mass speed dating thing.

So if that's the instance and this is girl number three and you sense that maybe she's looking for a relationship and you don't want to hurt her – considering you desire to exist a real man, y'all don't want to hurt her – just mention the fact that the first two girls y'all saw tonight on Tinder were not great and you lot're hoping that she will be – you lot don't want to get into specifics because that'due south just mean nigh the other ii girls – just you just, you know, every bit a dorsum story for her to realize, "Okay, this guy clearly dates a lot of women and then I have to be careful." She has to exist careful if she's looking for emotional commitment from you or wants to swoop into something serious quickly with you. She'll get the idea specially if she'southward intelligent.

The more transparent you are, the more all of these worries go abroad. The more courageous and brave yous are past just putting yourself out there without hiding anything, the more explicit and clear you are about your own set up of values, the easier it will be for yous in relationships. The less heartbreak and drama yous'll exist getting.

It'southward the guys who are wishy-washy, information technology's the guys who aren't clear about their values, it's the guys who are closeted men, who practise things in shadow, who practice things that they're ashamed of – those are the guys who have a lot of problems in relationships with women.

Those are the guys who go the drama considering they're not clear on what's going on. The woman doesn't know the boundaries. The boundaries aren't there considering the guy hasn't determined his values withal. Then that's the real respond. Make up one's mind your values that you tin know where to draw the boundaries.

To reply the question quickly: Scenario B that you don't want to see the girl over again and you simply had sex activity – be polite, be civil and but make certain you don't – really you don't want to text her besides rapidly – in other words, you don't want to send anything lovey-dovey or anything.

Y'all can cheque if she'due south got habitation safely – that'south skillful because you should care well-nigh that stuff. And and then I'd wait a day or two before you send anything more than otherwise yous're going to become her hoping. Information technology'south better at this indicate that she understands.

The more than educated, sophisticated she is, the more she will go the idea. And hopefully you were transparent from the offset so she also knew what she was getting into. And as well has that – she's like, "Okay, we don't have chemistry and so we don't desire to pursue this farther."

But if you got that far with her probably you guys are friends. You lot can turn that into only a friendship and that's absurd. You can even accept like the sit downwardly over lunch or coffee and just like, "Hey, you're such a great friend." Keep using the give-and-take friend, friend, friend, friend, friend with her and she'll get the idea.

Introduce her as your friend. She will probably – if she likes you withal – she will probably desire to brand a move on y'all, to go physical. In that point, you might have to have a little talk with her just to let her know, "I don't desire to hurt you. I don't want to raise your expectations. I'm just not ready for commitment. I'm just non ready for anything serious and I don't want yous to become injure. Just so yous know."

And it'south just you being honest, they have to respect that. People have to respect that. You lot've got to put information technology out there. Ideally you lot would take said that earlier y'all made her vulnerable. It should all be washed right from the beginning.

Okay, so there you lot go. Make sure that you bring together the undercover Facebook group – the private Facebook group where I answer your questions personally on there. I volition read all of the questions and comments and you lot can vote up the questions yous want answered. All right, then join The Human being Up Movement – go to Human Up group and join it. I'll see y'all in the next episode – man up.

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